To My Future Son

We live in a world dominated by sex. It is a natural drive to want to procreate, got it. Here lately I have been contemplating what this means to me, and it organically led to the idea that I may one day have a child. In turn, this leads me to think how I would explain sex, attraction, and what all of it means in terms of love. How will I explain to my future child why sex is demonized and yet embraced at the same time. It also made me realize how fearful I was of this future generation becoming more ensnared in the façade of sexualized marketing and television programming. So I move forward with an open letter to my future child.

 Candice Swanepoel Victoria's Secret Swim 2013

My Future Son,

Looking at this model on the cover of a Victoria Secret catalog, why do we say we love her? I would say smooth skin, perky breasts, firm butt, nice long legs, and a pretty face. So easily, I could identify the things I liked about her, this woman printed on a piece of paper. I see what I like. During that moment, I could be whisked away into a fantasy. Yes, she is beautiful but is she worthy of my love yet? She does not truly embody beauty for me, and in all honesty she doesn’t for you either.

We have become wrapped up in defining beauty and love by the physical attributes of a person. We have lost track of the fact that beauty is what embodies love. We forget that the woman on the cover of a magazine is a single dimension while the woman in front of us is much more. They may not look alike, but that woman in front of you is real. Not only can you see her but you can hear her, touch her, interact with her, and grow with her.

I fell in love with your mother for more than what silently stands before me. I fell in love with her because of the dimensions that are so deep and intriguing that it will take my entire lifetime or more to understand. I fell in love with the way she speaks to me, not because the inflection, volume, tone, or otherwise paralleled the woman seen in the R-rated movie you regretfully watched. I fell in love with her voice because it was soothing to me. It made me happy. I heard her challenge me intellectually. I heard her make me laugh. I heard her infectious strength in the heat of debate. These things didn’t make me lustful they made me blissful, intrigued, strong, and amicable.

The sight of your mother by all means brings thoughts of lust, and I know you’d rather me not share these things. Understand, that this primal urge, silenced and demonized within the American household while flaunted superficially about the outside world, is but a mere fraction of a fraction of your mother’s beauty. If I defined her by only her physical attributes, she would be nothing more than the cover of a magazine – lifeless.

Physical attraction is an important part of love. We cannot love someone at such a level without being willing to embrace and be enveloped in every bit of them. So when the day comes for you to approach a woman, and you are reeled in by her glowing appearance, I implore you to visualize nothingness when you speak to her. Listen to her voice. Listen to what she says. Feel the way she touches your shoulder and the intentions she may imply. Let her challenge you, and you challenge her. Does she still appeal to you? Now open your eyes. Do you like the way she walks? Is she clumsy? Do you like clumsy? What are her mannerisms? Is she extremely serious or is she goofy? Find the dimensions that make her real and accept into your heart that which vastly appeals to you, and everything else will follow.

Son, a woman, is not the cover of a magazine nor the image on a television screen. Every woman is multi-dimensional, dynamic, and beautiful in her own right. As men, we seek to find the one that aligns best with us. As a man, you must seek to find what makes each woman special. Reserve the bedroom moments not for the one with the small waist, large breast, and a nice behind, but for the woman that gathers our very being and leaves us in euphoria about life itself.

Love life, everyone, and everything. Express it when you can, and never seek to remain satisfied by only what you see in silence.


Your Future Father

***As a side note I would address my child the same regardless of gender or sexual preference. This is only an expression of my concern as I come closer to the possibility of becoming a father one day among the superficiality that is destroying our society.

FamilyLeft to Right: Dozer, Brian (myself), and Emily.